This blog was created in the hopes of helping out all the poor dopes in the world and to let women know that REAL MEN still do exist. That said:
Don’t pussy out and be shy.
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Have a question for the most notorious Daddy’s on Earth?
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Your’s Truly,
DOPE & SEXY
Dear Dope and Sexy,
This is a pretty serious question and I hope the two baddest motherfuckers alive can help me. I’ve been dating this girl for about a year or so and she recently called me telling me she missed her period. It’s been two weeks and nothing. We both feel she’s been having symptoms of pregnancy and feel we are both in a never ending pit of shit. We’ve done things but I’ve never actually penetrated her. Please help! I don’t want to have my first child yet
Thanks,
Not Ready, TN
Dear Dumb Fuck,
So you’ve never fucked but you think she’s carrying YOUR child? If your name’s not Joseph and her’s Mary and live in Jerusalem, than your obviously kissing a girl that’s had someone else’s kids in her mouth. This is actually a blessing in disguise. Make her believe you think it’s your’s (because if you’re such a dumbass to think it IS yours, she’s equally a dumbass thinking the same). Now you can go out and fuck endless amounts of vahg you want without feeling guilty. Not only did she just fuck someone behind your back, she fucked that poor son of a bitch raw. (WRAP IT UP GUYS!) Just for fuck’s sake, keep her around and fuck her like she’s never been fucked before and go cum crazy in that vahg. Once she starts to show that there’s a little spitting image of the guy she’s cheated on you with (and she will)… remind her that when she was first pregnant, you guys didn’t fuck. Throw her on a guilt trip for one last blow/fuck/tug and kick her ass out. BUT REMEMBER! PLEASE DON’T KISS HER UNLESS YOU LIKE A MOUTH FULL OF JIZZ BECAUSE THAT PIGEON WAS/IS OBVIOUSLY CHEATING! …. bitches…
FURTHERMORE:
Listen up dipshit I normally wouldn’t respond to such a douche bag question but this is just too damn funny to pass up. First of all… I don’t know of any type of “things” you could be doing that would lead to her getting pregnant other than plowing the vahg. I don’t know if you are some type of Alien or some shit that can shoot jizz out his fingers or some kind of sex machine that can knock a girl up by just staring at them (if you are that’s awesome and I apologize) but that shit just ain’t natural and it pisses me off. SHE AIN’T PREGNANT! And you’re a fucking douche for thinking she is. If it turns out that she actually IS pregnant then she either A) Fucked some other dude that lingered in there just a couple of seconds too long. Or this is the second coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. If I were you I would give her one of these -.- for starters and then sit down and explain to her wear babies come from. And shit if you aren’t sure I can sit down with both of you and explain the ins and outs (mostly the INS) of fucking and how babies are made. I can even take her on a test run if u like. Anyway… the girl is NOT pregnant, I know I pulled out just in time, and if she is you are NOT the father so no matter what you should be happy as shit.
With love,
Dope and Sexy
Dear Slab of Steak Readers,
DOPE: I want to first and foremost apologize for not actually posting this on thanksgiving but i had a lot of vahg to pound and a lot of fish to eat 
…uhh I mean turkey! I want to share a couple of things i’m thankful for. First I’m thankful for a real man, my dad, for raising me into the the real man I am. I’m also thankful for all the dumbass men out there who don’t know what the fuck is up when it comes to women. Thankful for you, there are two bitchin men that are willing to help your sorry asses out. I’m aslo thankful for my hetero life mate Sexy. Without him, this would not be possible. Thanks man, i love you. Finally, I’m thankful for women. Yes this great world we live in is men dominated (which it should be), but women make the world go round. Without women we would not have clean clothes on our backs, clean desktops to blog, and cooked food to eat. Thank you women, all of you, for cleaning, cooking and opening your legs.
SEXY: This Thanksgiving there are many things I would like to give thanks for; mostly women. I am thankful for women every year and this year is no exception. Without women I wouldn’t really have a purpose in life. No breasts to stare at while I shop for steak in the supermarket. Nice large soft breasts poking out towards me because of the chilly refrigerated aisle. And I wouldn’t have those nice bouncy round asses to stare at as I waltz through the mall on a Saturday afternoon. Nice chewy looking round asses that just bounce and skip along… left… right… left… right. And my package… my poor package… would be left cold and alone all day and night without a nice vertical smile to brighten his day. So you see my friends? Thanksgiving isn’t just a day to be thankful for family, and friends, and food. It’s also a day to be thankful about the little things in life (or big ones) that make us REALLY want to get up in the morning. With that said I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR’S FROM YOUR BOYS,
THE DADDIES
