This blog was created in the hopes of helping out all the poor dopes in the world and to let women know that REAL MEN still do exist. That said:
Don’t pussy out and be shy.
Don’t agree with something we said?
Have a question for the most notorious Daddy’s on Earth?
Leave us a comment, leave us a question.
Your’s Truly,
DOPE & SEXY
Dear Dope and Sexy,
This is a pretty serious question and I hope the two baddest motherfuckers alive can help me. I’ve been dating this girl for about a year or so and she recently called me telling me she missed her period. It’s been two weeks and nothing. We both feel she’s been having symptoms of pregnancy and feel we are both in a never ending pit of shit. We’ve done things but I’ve never actually penetrated her. Please help! I don’t want to have my first child yet
Thanks,
Not Ready, TN
Dear Dumb Fuck,
So you’ve never fucked but you think she’s carrying YOUR child? If your name’s not Joseph and her’s Mary and live in Jerusalem, than your obviously kissing a girl that’s had someone else’s kids in her mouth. This is actually a blessing in disguise. Make her believe you think it’s your’s (because if you’re such a dumbass to think it IS yours, she’s equally a dumbass thinking the same). Now you can go out and fuck endless amounts of vahg you want without feeling guilty. Not only did she just fuck someone behind your back, she fucked that poor son of a bitch raw. (WRAP IT UP GUYS!) Just for fuck’s sake, keep her around and fuck her like she’s never been fucked before and go cum crazy in that vahg. Once she starts to show that there’s a little spitting image of the guy she’s cheated on you with (and she will)… remind her that when she was first pregnant, you guys didn’t fuck. Throw her on a guilt trip for one last blow/fuck/tug and kick her ass out. BUT REMEMBER! PLEASE DON’T KISS HER UNLESS YOU LIKE A MOUTH FULL OF JIZZ BECAUSE THAT PIGEON WAS/IS OBVIOUSLY CHEATING! …. bitches…
FURTHERMORE:
Listen up dipshit I normally wouldn’t respond to such a douche bag question but this is just too damn funny to pass up. First of all… I don’t know of any type of “things” you could be doing that would lead to her getting pregnant other than plowing the vahg. I don’t know if you are some type of Alien or some shit that can shoot jizz out his fingers or some kind of sex machine that can knock a girl up by just staring at them (if you are that’s awesome and I apologize) but that shit just ain’t natural and it pisses me off. SHE AIN’T PREGNANT! And you’re a fucking douche for thinking she is. If it turns out that she actually IS pregnant then she either A) Fucked some other dude that lingered in there just a couple of seconds too long. Or this is the second coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. If I were you I would give her one of these -.- for starters and then sit down and explain to her wear babies come from. And shit if you aren’t sure I can sit down with both of you and explain the ins and outs (mostly the INS) of fucking and how babies are made. I can even take her on a test run if u like. Anyway… the girl is NOT pregnant, I know I pulled out just in time, and if she is you are NOT the father so no matter what you should be happy as shit.
With love,
Dope and Sexy
Dear Slab of Steak Readers,
DOPE: I want to first and foremost apologize for not actually posting this on thanksgiving but i had a lot of vahg to pound and a lot of fish to eat 
…uhh I mean turkey! I want to share a couple of things i’m thankful for. First I’m thankful for a real man, my dad, for raising me into the the real man I am. I’m also thankful for all the dumbass men out there who don’t know what the fuck is up when it comes to women. Thankful for you, there are two bitchin men that are willing to help your sorry asses out. I’m aslo thankful for my hetero life mate Sexy. Without him, this would not be possible. Thanks man, i love you. Finally, I’m thankful for women. Yes this great world we live in is men dominated (which it should be), but women make the world go round. Without women we would not have clean clothes on our backs, clean desktops to blog, and cooked food to eat. Thank you women, all of you, for cleaning, cooking and opening your legs.
SEXY: This Thanksgiving there are many things I would like to give thanks for; mostly women. I am thankful for women every year and this year is no exception. Without women I wouldn’t really have a purpose in life. No breasts to stare at while I shop for steak in the supermarket. Nice large soft breasts poking out towards me because of the chilly refrigerated aisle. And I wouldn’t have those nice bouncy round asses to stare at as I waltz through the mall on a Saturday afternoon. Nice chewy looking round asses that just bounce and skip along… left… right… left… right. And my package… my poor package… would be left cold and alone all day and night without a nice vertical smile to brighten his day. So you see my friends? Thanksgiving isn’t just a day to be thankful for family, and friends, and food. It’s also a day to be thankful about the little things in life (or big ones) that make us REALLY want to get up in the morning. With that said I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR’S FROM YOUR BOYS,
THE DADDIES
Dear Dope and Sexy,
I’m super in love with my girlfriend but i’m so attracted to her best friend. I dont like her but i would like to pound her. She’s been tagging along lately and i cant seem to get her out of my head *wink wink* Please help!
Thanks, Just Wanna Pound
Chi-Town, IL
Dear BFF (Best Friend Fucker),
First and foremost you need to assess the situation. First thing I would do is try to build a friendly relationship with the friend. Get on speaking terms and maybe even get the girls number in your phone. Secondly, try to increase the amount of time you spend with her by going out with her and your GF as often as possible. After all these pieces are in place you start making your moves. When in a club, see how the two respond if you give the friend a quick grind. If its a positive response then let the liquor pour. Worst case scenario, you bang the friend while shes drunk (and you CLAIM you’re drunk) and shes so scared that she may hurt two of her best friends (thats why you spent that time getting close earlier) that she would NEVER tell the GF. Best case scenario you score 2 chicks at once. And well.. life doesn’t get much better than 2 chicks at once. God invented war so men can kill each other off and then enjoy 2 chicks at once. And if that 3some is everything that one can imagine (and it should be) then maybe some of her other friends will want some too!
OR
Like my hetero life mate Sexy Daddy first mentioned, alcohol would probably the best way to go. Set-up a date for your and your lady to stay at the house and drink. Tell her u want to invite one of your guy friends because he wants to meet her girl friend. This is the bait. Tell your guy friend (it has to be someone you could trust) all about your scheme. He will now be decoy. Tell him to have an “emergency” in the middle of the gathering and that he has to abruptly leave. Now it’s just you three. And the setting couldn’t be more perfect. It’s your home so everyone is comfortable and the booze is flowing so all inhibitions are out the window. JACKPOT! Now don’t go in there half assed, make sure you perform at Dope and Sexy level; because you were at our level, she’d want to try you out alone next, believe me.
Your friends,
Dope and Sexy
Dear Dope and Sexy Daddy,
So I’ve been seing this girl for about a year and things have been great. Great chemistry. GREAT sex. Looks like shes a keeper. However recently, her best friend from high school has come back from living in Italyfor 2 years and she hangs out with him regularly. Only problem is that well.. hes gay. SUPER gay. And any time me and my girlfriend have a spat hes all up in the middle of it. And the chick just listens to whatever he says as if THAT was her man. His opinion really matters that much? I feel like I’m dating her and her gay friend. Our relationship is going down the shitter and I need to put an end to this ridiculous triangle.
Thanks,
In the middle of a Rock and Gay Place, NY
Dear Homolateral Triangle,
First of all if his name is THOMAS, you are FUCKED!
But if not:
Ooo thats a toughy. You CAN just fuck his ass up. Wear a mask.. grab a crobar… and go to town.. He’ll probably get back to his homoness soon as he recovers and you go to town again. Eventually he’ll put two and two together and realize that stepping in gets him fucked up. On the other hand you can just make a blog and bash his ass like there’s no tomorrow. Either way.. I’m just too straight to get involved with homosexicals.
or
This one is a tough one… ok, dealing with fa—, homos for the little baby ears, is very difficult. They’ve hid and whopped many a men most of their lives so you gotta be really careful and be as nonchalant as possible. Invite him over one day and your other boys who don’t necessarily dislike homos, just say things that the princess will find offensive. Spend the whole day with just the princess and your boys. He’ll eventually get the hint that he isn’t wanted since you put him in this situation. Worse case scenario he hits on one of your boy, he fucks him up and you turn a blind eye. This may get u in trouble with the miss but at this point it’ll be “his fault for coming on to him”.
Your Buddies,
Dope and Sexy
Dear Daddies,
I’m starting to feel like sex is the most important part of my relationship. I feel as if there is nothing else between me and my girlfriend. Should i break up with her?
-not the one, WA
Dear Whines-A-Lot,
-.- i dont see the problem…
Sex IS the most important part of a relationship. If she’s not complaining then why the fuck are you? Stop being a bitch and go fuck!
- Daddy x 2.
From the BK:
Dear Dope and Sexy Daddy,
When me and my girlfriend have sex she gets really into it. And recently she has just been getting really dirty while we’re doing it. Cursing at me and telling me that im a piece of shit and all these other ridiculous things. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it kinda turns me off when she tells me I fuck like a fucking shitty maggot while I’m in her. Please help.
-feeling shitty, BK, NY
Dear Fucking Shitty Maggot:
I can’t stand when chicks try to pull that shit. All nasty and shit in bed and then if I spit in public I get a smart comment from the girl. I have zero tolerance for that hyprocritical bullshit. I’d let her say whatever she wants and focus on the sex. As soon as I cum I’d say, “That was great (insert other girl’s name here).” Then walk out and find a broad that respects TGD(That Good Dick).
or
A. Put a pillow over her face (you of course have to be on top)… but be careful not to suffocate her, we wouldn’t want to be necros now would we? B. tell her to SHUT THE FUCK UP. C. say nastier dirtier things and throw out a spank or my personal fave D. put something in her mouth to shut her up (I hope you know what i mean).
- The Daddies
This question comes all the way from Tennessee.
Yo,
My girl quit shaving her armpits and her leg hair. how? what? why? Help!
- lost in the bushes, TN
Dear Hairy Mess,
Does she still have tits, ass, and a vag? If so then I personally wouldn’t care. However, if I were you I would get her drunk, bang her senseless, and after she passes out just Nair that shit off. When she wakes up act as if nothing happened. She lets the shit grow back? Rinse and repeat.
PLEASE NOTE: WEAR A RUBBER TO AVOID CHAFFING & RUG BURNS
or
I don’t understand your question so I’m going to cover all the grounds. HOW? She stopped shaving (eww) -.-WHY? That female prolly thinks she has it like that… so we gotta stir something up to let her kno she don’t have shit! An “are you serious?” Or “really?” When she’s expecting “you look beautiful!” will prolly do the trick. Now to make her look less like a Neanderthal, ‘good-heartedly’ buy her some razor and be like “I thought you ran out.” Or… while ur tappin it, put a rubber on, get on top. This is gonna have to be done fast. Cum without lettin her know you did, keep going and sit up like you’re switching positions, while still inside her grab her legs and go “wtf? Ugh I lost it…” and get off her. She’ll be left horny and a slap in the face to her lack of hygiene… you came and… well you came!
-Sexy Daddy and Dope Daddy
first question comes from the Boogie Down Bronx, NY
Dear Dope Daddy and Sexy Daddy,
Hi! My girlfriend has small boobs, and i really love her but i’m afraid I’ll cheat on her if she doesn’t get implants. How do i suggest it to her?
- Won’t fill my hand, BX =(
Dear Extra Padding,
Don’t be afraid of cheating, no one’s perfect so if you’re banging on the side to get you’re tit fix, keep it under wraps. Think of it this way: you’re doing this for her. You dont wanna hurt her feelings by telling her she’s not up to par.
Or,
Show her a pic of some chicks with some bodacious boobies. And then tell her that this is her competition, and that the ball is now in her court.
your friends,
Dope Daddy and Sexy Daddy
